I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
