Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
