Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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