she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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