Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
