apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
