I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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