I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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