Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
