I got chris browned last night
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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