Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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