i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
