whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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