why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
