so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just found puke in my bra..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
