Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
