Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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