Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
