you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
