at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
