I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
