just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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