I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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