One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize