Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize