My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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