so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
