do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
