dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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