Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
