every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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