so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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