even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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