So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
