you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just found puke in my bra..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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