I cannot find my penis.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
