you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
