Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
