the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
