can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
