I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
