Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
