I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
