She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
