why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
