Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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