So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
