Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
