I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
