I wish you could order shots online.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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