I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish you could order shots online.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
