i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
