Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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