glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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