Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
