just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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