I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
