so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
