now i know why i became what i already was.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
