I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
