My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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