Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
