I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
