So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
