worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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