I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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