you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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