Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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