i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
